So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The Olympian is in my bed
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
God, I missed his penis.
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