yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
