That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
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