God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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