I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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