My room smells like vodka and shame
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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