Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
