Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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