wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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