An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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