Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
