i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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