I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
