I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
They have beer where we have blood.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize