One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
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Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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