Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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