we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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