i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
