So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
