Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
