I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
