my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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