i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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