Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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