The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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