Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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