So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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