This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
