I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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