thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
