Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize