I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize