dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
