Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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