the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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