if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?