Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
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The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.