I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
reminds me of losing my job
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue