Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
did i walk over a car last night?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize