Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
