I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
