Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
