I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
