why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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