Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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