there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
