she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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