Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
