Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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