I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
