So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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