he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
