After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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