I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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