she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
