Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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