90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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