look no pants
I cockslap morals
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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