she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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