Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
