I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
