Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
