why didn't you poke me back
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
