Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
