Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
