this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
