The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
