Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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