we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
